Michael’s Story

This article contains sensitive content, including descriptions of suicide and depression, which may be distressing for some readers. Reader discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately from a trusted professional or contact a helpline.

At Brent, Wandsworth & Westminster Mind, our compassionate Suicide Bereavement Support Service is available across 14 London boroughs to anyone who has been affected by suicide. Michael’s story sheds light on the profound impact of receiving support after a loss by suicide. 

Michael was very close to his brother Jack all through their life, having been born just 18 months apart.

They shared a whole lifetime of memories together, treated each other as confidants and ‘had each other’s back.’ Michael felt that they understood each other and there was a strong bond with an intimate trust.

When Jack died by suicide, Michael’s world turned into a dark place – there were so many questions and so much to piece together – it felt like his memories with Jack were now memories that he held alone, with no brother to share them with. He described his grief as ‘grief on steroids’, where nothing felt real and his whole world had been blown apart.

Whilst Jack had experienced anxieties all his life perhaps linked to him being a deep thinker, he was a very intelligent self-starter, an architect with his own construction company with a passion for playing the guitar and for displaying his artistic talent.

In July 2023, Michael received a text from Jack’s wife stating that ‘Jack was in a bad way.’ He instantly called and was told that ‘he’s not taking calls, he’s a bit paranoid.’ At this point, Michael wasn’t alarmed, he knew his brother and he’d had spells in the past where he’d been low, but he’d bounced back. He left him a voicemail to let him know that he was there for him and loved him.

The following Monday morning, Jack had a row with his wife, and he left the house without his phone or wallet. When he didn’t return, the family alerted the police. On Tuesday the family discovered that Jack had driven to a country lane and taken his own life.

Trying to process Jack’s death is something that is still very real. Michael has since discovered that Jack was diagnosed with severe depression and had been seeing his GP for several months prior to his death. He had exited a gathering early one evening about a week before he disappeared, to be found by his wife in the loft at home. He told her he had been contemplating suicide. Despite Jack having the strength to tell his GP about his intrusive thoughts, he did not receive the correct support for someone in crisis as apparently, he didn’t meet the criteria.

At one point he had even suggested to his wife that perhaps he ought to be sectioned – recognising his own vulnerability and need for urgent help. He was clearly aware of the sharp elevation in risk to himself.

For Michael, the chain of events leading up to and around his brother’s departure was, and still is, incredibly painful. There are so many unanswered questions, and he regularly feels consumed and tormented by guilt, by the ‘what if’s’.

Michael knew he needed support almost instantly after losing Jack. A web search led him to the BWW Mind Suicide Bereavement Service. After completing a short form online, he was contacted by one of our specialist officers straight away. That first conversation was one that provided some understanding, reassurance, and comfort about his emotions when everyone else just didn’t know what to say, and other services had red tape to cut through that Michael simply couldn’t deal with.

He built a relationship with his Bereavement Officer that continues to this day. He has been an invaluable pillar of support for Michael and at the heart of their relationship is implicit trust.

Michael states “there are very few people who will stand with you in the dark. The immediacy of the service is unlike anything I’ve known. I was talking to a Bereavement Officer within 30 minutes of making contact with BWW Mind. That’s what makes the service so special. When you’ve lost someone to suicide, you need support immediately, not weeks or months later. The availability and quality of support I’ve received has been exceptional. I don’t know how I would’ve coped without my Bereavement Officer.”

On his recent birthday, turning 48, the same age as Jack had been, Michael yearned for the usual message from his brother and the absence of it made his special day feel empty. He found himself scrolling back to last year’s text to fill a very prolific void in his life.

Michael would urge people who need suicide bereavement support to get in touch with the service.

‘You are not alone. There are people who understand the horrific world you’ve been dropped into. And you can speak to them straight away.”