Mary’s Story

“I realised I had someone on my side. Someone looking out for me at a time when an atomic bomb has gone off and it’s there for life. Absolutely horrific.” 

Mary’s daughter, Ellie, was at school and followed a common path – she undertook her A’ levels and commenced her degree. She loved life. Towards the end of her course, she started to feel unwell and decided to leave. Her mum supported her decision because she wanted whatever was best for her daughter. They had what her mum described as “a beautiful, close and loving relationship.” 

Ellie had a few casual jobs and went to visit a friend in Australia. Ellie returned home due to a family bereavement, and this is when Mary noticed that Ellie’s behaviour changed. She would turn off mobile phones and internet connections, fearing that someone was spying on her and her mum, that someone wanted to harm them.  

By July 2018, Ellie had developed full-blown Psychosis. She stopped eating and wasn’t sleeping properly. In the weeks that followed, she was under the care of her GP and visited A&E a number of times. 

Treatment with anti-psychotic drugs enabled Ellie to manage her symptoms, it was as though she fully recovered. Then, sometime later during the pandemic, Ellie had stopped taking the drugs and found herself relapsing back into psychosis. At the time she was working as a care assistant. She was poorly herself but was still kindly working to help others.  

Unfortunately, due to the time lapse between episodes, Ellie was now ‘out of the system’ and was unable to access the care that she needed in a timely way. At this point Ellie was very vulnerable, struggling with an extremely low mood and just wanted to feel safe. She said to her mum one day” I just want you to live your own life, I don’t want to be a burden.” Ellie ordered the kit that she needed and died by suicide in the family house in 2021. 

Mary was crippled by the pain of Ellie’s death, unable to get out of bed, unable to function, and unsure whether she would be able to do normal things again. She was told that she would need to wait six weeks for support, but she knew she needed help immediately.  

When the letter arrived from the BWW Mind Suicide Bereavement support service, Mary was in a very fragile state, and slightly alarmed, but she was glad that someone had reached out to her.  

As time went on, the weekly call from her Bereavement Officer made her ‘feel safe in an uncertain world.’ She said “I realised I had someone on my side. Someone looking out for me at a time when an atomic bomb has gone off and it’s there for life. Absolutely horrific.” 

Her assigned officer supported her in dealing with the practical stuff as well as coping with incredibly intense emotions. She felt listened to, reassured that sometimes things happen and the extreme guilt that she held was discussed and diffused. She felt ‘actively’ better after each session.  

She joined the BWW Mind peer support group, where she met others who had experienced a death by suicide as well as people who have tried to take their own lives. Talking and listening to others helped Mary so much and provided her with hope for a different life.